This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
