I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
