She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
