Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
