Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The adults are the big ones right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
