dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize