he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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