I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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