I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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