I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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