you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
