my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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