all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize