I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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