so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
