Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
