My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize