It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
