im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
