just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
