I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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