So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
