My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
