As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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