the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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