She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
