I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
