I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
