so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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