I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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