how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my god I love twenty year old dicks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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