There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
