hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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