I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
