he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you inspire me to be a worse person
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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