need another drink. this is the easiest way
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My life is pants optional.
Randomize