He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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