im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
