her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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