I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
