Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
