The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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