Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
