where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
