a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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