You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I need water and some morals
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
