How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
