I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
