So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
