i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
