It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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