Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
