So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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