it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
