i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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