??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
