we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
