well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
