this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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