is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
