just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
