Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
