You're a womanizer and a bitch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
