I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
