good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
