I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
