his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Two words: blizzard sex
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize