I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
MIDGETS
????
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
