Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
