oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i think my cat just said my name.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
