my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
