I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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