guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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