She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
God, I missed his penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
