; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
