i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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