Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's the barista slut.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
