I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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