the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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