11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
