2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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