i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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