I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
