Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
