i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
