I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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