no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
