ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
