all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
