guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
