just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
