McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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