If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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