It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
