Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
