it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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