This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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