I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
