Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
