I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
