everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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