drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A bitchslap is in order.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
