Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
