it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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