nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
