he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
