I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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