The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
