I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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