I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
