I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize